I don't think I've ever said this before (mostly because it's a stupid thing to say) but I don't want this year to end. Ever ever ever. I'd like to stay here, 27 years old and in a thick, milky bubble of my own bliss (ew). Never gonna leave. It's just too good. I know I still have a month left. I'm just wearing my Thinkin' Pants tonight, that's all.*
What the fuck has even happened in 2013?
Started my year by blacking out every weekend, rarely coming home before 5am. I had so much fucking fun doing nothing at all. One night/morning we literally spent an hour or two rolling around on the ground at the Urban Light sculpture at LACMA. If there weren't videos documenting it, there's a good chance I wouldn't have remembered it at all (see also: one and two). I also had a small thing with someone that was in a relationship. I'm sorry, universe. When I'm rotten I'm REALLY rotten. Even in that idiocy there was a lot of growth (for both parties I think), so I came out on the other side, feeling thankful that I may have finally learned my lesson. If you want to judge me for that, I won't stop you. I'm not particularly proud of it either, but I can't truthfully say that I'm unhappy about it. It was different. As bad things usually are. Sometimes bad things feel just fine.
In a 24 hour span I went from dancing on a bar during my first trip to Vegas to photographing wild cows (and a wild Cindy) and eating a mediocre omelette in an isolated alien-themed desert restaurant.
I bought a yeti hat at Disneyland on my first visit ever and acted like a 5 year old for a day - something that I barely even let myself do when I was a child (I wouldn't even fucking fingerpaint in kindergarten because I didn't like my hands being dirty. Wanna talk about neuroses? ~*HaNNa HaS SoMe 4 U!*~).
I suddenly regretted ending my relationship after 6 months of being single and not caring, and then felt all of that concentrated heartbreak at once - took about a month to get it out of my system. It was not a fun month, for the most part. But fuck, what an experience, still. Love always changes us, and that's OK.
I went to a wedding on a lake and I hiked in Yosemite. I flew to New York City for 2 days to hug my cousin, wander sans direction, and have a perfect meal. I got 2 tattoos. I flew to Franklinville for 2 days to reconnect with my better half and see the two most important people in the world. I met not one, but two people that I idolize - people that I never in a million years thought I'd ever have the chance to meet. And then I got the chance to design something for one of them. I spent a 100 degree day crawling around a painted mountain. I washed exploded ink off of my hands in the Dublin airport and had a celebratory Guinness for breakfast, and by the time my flight landed in London** my whole life had changed.
For most of those things - actually ALL of those things except Franklinville and Europe - Cindy was there too. Before we were as close as we are now, Mike Cooper would try to sell us on hanging out by saying, "You should come, Cindy will be there/Hanna will be there!" and it was a big selling point, usually. I am so thankful that she exists.
Enough. Playlist time, because I feel like I've failed you with this post!
[E! L! E! C! T! R! I! C! I! T! Y!]
01. If You Didn't Go (Kendra Morris) 02. Breath From Another (Esthero) 03. Cello Song (Nick Drake) 04. My Girl (Temptations) 05. Caller No. 99 (Chris Cohen) 06. Rill Rill (Sleigh Bells) 07. Little Lies (Fleetwood Mac) 08. True Believer (Widowspeak) 09. Pure Pain (Kurt Vile) 10. Ramshackle (Beck) 11. River Man (Nick Drake) 12. Theme From The Swamps (Widowspeak)
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*I don't own those pants, nor do I want to own them. But still, how great are they?!
**On the short (and very sunny) afternoon flight from DUB to LHR, I sat next to a Scottish mother and her two small children. The little boy with the window seat kept throwing out questions into the universe, only to find them met with his family's silence. I listened to him have this exchange with himself (with the most adorable accent):
"Mummy which is hotter, the sun or fire?" (silence) "I'll tell ya which is hotter. The Sun. You know what happens to ya if ya touch the sun?" (more silence) "...Ya melt." (he said this very forcefully, which, with his little accent, sounded like "YEH MEYLLLT!")
At that point, I laughed out loud and the mother flashed the biggest toothy smile at me and said, "He always has an answer."
I will never forget that.