My best friend had a baby on Wednesday. A BABY. A HUMAN BABY. Lemme tell you - I've gone through most of my life thinking I just wasn't the type to be interested in babies or kids, but yesterday morning I spent a minute crying happy tears in bed when I saw pictures of him. I love her and am so happy for her and Bryan and little baby Harrison. Our lives are very different, and living 3,000 miles apart has made keeping up difficult sometimes, but I could live on the moon and still know she's going to be a really fantastic mother. A life full of satisfaction is, in my opinion, no match for a truly romantic life. I don't really mean sex and love, either. I mean a universe full of planets in orbit, making me feel invisible and invincible simultaneously. I mean seeing myself in everyone and understanding how we all connect. I mean a balance of being overwhelmed with joy and unable to move from sadness and not backing down from a fight and finding beauty in everything. Seeing that in the world, all around me and in me, is romantic. Of course it's easy to say this kind of stuff when I'm happy. Sometimes, when I'm upset, I scold myself for being the type of person that runs blindly into danger if there's even a hint of happiness at the end of the tunnel - how could I be so silly to only see the good, even after all these years? How could I be so inconsiderate to my future self, carelessly setting myself up to be hurt just for the sake of a few fleeting days of bliss? But I always scold myself with the understanding that I'll never change. Even when I'm so hurt or furious, I ask myself, "Will I do this again?" The answer is always yes. I can lie to myself forever, but the answer is always yes.
All I know is that lately I feel like I'm flying, and I have no idea what I did to deserve so much simple happiness.
You and I are so innocently intertwined. I breathe slowly, still. The bed is soft, the shower is warm. The only difference is the song I sing.
01. Portrait of a Man (Screamin' Jay Hawkins) 02. I Can't Quit You Baby (Otis Rush) 03. Wear Your Love Like Heaven (Donovan) 04. Knockin' on Heaven's Door (Bob Dylan) 05. Never Get Out Of These Blues Alive (John Lee Hooker, Van Morrison) 06. This Flight Tonight (Joni Mitchell) 07. Gypsy Queen (Van Morrison) 08. Sweet Black Angel (The Rolling Stones) 09. The Trip (Donovan) 10. Amelia (Joni Mitchell) 11. Run, Baby, Run (Sheryl Crow) 12. Moonlight Mile (The Rolling Stones) 13. Horse (Live) 14. Starbelly (Hole)
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