accidental flares of love burst through the atmosphere

It's almost my birthday and I'm going home

A few years ago I was taking a year break from life in LA, but was still flying out here as often as I could. I came out for my birthday in 2009 and spent the evening of the 31st watching the sun set over Palos Verdes with a picnic dinner and the sweetest people. I write about Palos Verdes a lot; if a place can be a muse, then Palos Verdes is certainly mine. It's also one of the most photogenic locations in the US, in my opinion. Cindy and I took a bunch of pictures here back in February. I've had a few birthdays since then, but I haven't managed to top 2009 yet. I'm going to 1642 tomorrow night to celebrate with friends and coworkers and a good atmosphere, Saturday I'm grabbing food with my "twin" (Mike) and then going to watch The Graduate at Hollywood Forever Cemetery - something I haven't done AT ALL this summer and I can't believe that! Cinespia deciding to show one of my favorite movies on my birthday is a sign that I was meant to go at least once this year. Sunday is dedicated to doing nothing. And I am REALLY dedicated to that. I don't even remember the last time I had a day with no obligations. I'm flying home next week to throw my arms around my parents and take some looooooong deep breaths. I can't wait to sleep on the living room floor and listen to my dad's music and make gołąbki with my momma and laugh with Amanda. And I CANNOT WAIT to photograph the beauty of Franklinville with a good camera. My whole life I've felt frustrated by photos of that place because they never do it justice. Sometimes ya just need an SLR to capture greens on greens on greensongreensongreens. It will probably be the most relaxing few days of my entire year. I NEED it to be the most relaxing few days of my entire year.

I have never worked so hard in my life. I finished a round of revisions on a project last night, and then finally had some time to sit in bed and write a letter to someone. I calculated, and in the past month I've worked 168 hours at my job and 64 hours freelancing. My weekends are gone. My weeknights are gone. I've had 2 panic attacks in the past 3 weeks because everything just feels so overwhelming and I keep taking on more. But I still feel 100% sure that I'm making the right decisions, even if I'm stressed out and even if I don't have much downtime. Instead of dreading all the work I have to do, I usually feel genuinely excited about how accomplished I feel when I complete projects. Plus, the extra money that I have coming in is making this London trip not just affordable, but comfortable. Perhaaaaps I'll even be able to afford a ticket (or 2) to France or Belgium for a day?

I have been everywhere in the past 5 years. I've seen so much, felt so much, learned so much, met people that will stick with me for the rest of my life, and found what truly makes me happy. I'm sure some level of clarity is always reached when we travel from early 20s to late 20s, but I feel so differently than I used to.

I was talking to someone last night who said that he's not surprised when he connects with people anymore, he just feels some wonderful overall force orchestrating it and just says thank you. It's a beautiful way of summing it up. It has taken me 27 years to get here: a point where all things connect and flow and make sense.

Work hard play hard love harder eat well travel often asdaskfjhalk sjfhaksj aksjf;

Spanish Rose

Casey Jones you better watch your speed