accidental flares of love burst through the atmosphere

Karma and Balance and So Much Heart

Processed with VSCOcam with a9 preset I never, ever pick up money when I see it on the ground.

Yesterday I saw $10 on the sidewalk, and kept walking. I always leave money for someone else to enjoy unless I see someone drop it or find it on the floor of a building with a tip jar. But I never keep it for myself. When I'm at a restaurant, I leave a huge tip unless the service was truly terrible. I always round my numbers up and give more than I have to. I struggle with money often (I really worship that eat-well-and-travel-often motto), but I'd rather have 25 cents in my bank account (which has absolutely happened, and more than once, and also recently lol) at the end of a pay cycle than pick up $10 on the street that could make someone else's day. I have too much happiness in my life to be so selfish as to think I deserve more good fortune.

Do you remember the episode of Friends when Phoebe ends up with all the extra money and the football phone, simply because she called and reported money in her account that wasn't supposed to be there? Yesterday I checked my balance on my TAP card for the bus and saw this:


The last column shows the card balance. On October 7th, over $100 magically appeared on my card. I absolutely did not put it there. I triple checked my bank account to see if money had been taken out - nope. It just showed up. I called them to see if it was an accident - they had no idea.

Do you ever wonder if all the things that were meant to be yours in life will eventually find you no matter how hard you ignore it? It seems obvious, no? It works both ways too - if it's not meant to be yours, it won't be yours no matter how hard you try.

My whole life, I've fought for things that I thought should be mine simply because I loved them so much; I still have issues with that. How are any of us supposed to know when it's time to give up wanting something? What's the deadline? The interesting part is that when I truly love things and want them so bad that I cannot give them up, they always end up being mine. Even if it takes months or years. Is that good intuition? Is that luck? Is that mind control? What the fuck is that?

This morning I watched two old people exchange phone numbers on the bus. The woman had an iPhone and the man had a flip phone with the giant numbers. I will never forget that.


On Risk and Value and Love