It's raining in LA tonight and I've turned off all of my usual noise to listen to it. I'm impressed that the clouds waited; had they been feeling nasty last night, they could have easily destroyed my new blue suede shoes and my drunk ass wouldn't have been able to do a single thing to avoid it.
I woke up this morning to find a signed book of poetry in my bag after a tornado of a day/evening/night that began, respectfully enough, at Chateau Marmont, sipping $18 cocktails and eating chilled crab & avocado appetizers with Rhiannon and then, as my outings usually do, spun out of control and right down the street to Rainbow. I don't know how it got so silly so quickly? Well actually, I know exactly how: we sat down at the bar at Rainbow and were almost immediately pulled into a mess of internet-industry talk and many, manymanymany free shots of Jameson. Sonny, the man who wrote the book of poems, was the only person at Rainbow wearing a suit. I wonder if he's someone that I'll run into again. Probably. I'll probably run into him repeatedly if I keep going to Rainbow, which will definitely happen because it's the ideal level of dirty and questionable, which is just how I like my bars.
I took down my previous post a few hours after I pushed it live because reading my own words made me feel like crap. I offer no more explanation than that.
Truly caring about people is somewhat of a rarity for me. I suppose I should let it run its course and thank my lucky stars that there are human beings on this earth that are capable of making me feel more. It's nice to experience so much chemistry with someone, even if it's only for a minute. Maybe I already had my magic with you. Maybe that's all I get. I don't think that's true, but maybe. Maybe your purpose in my life was just to cause a real motherfucker of back & forth emotion - the shit that my brain has produced under the influence of you has been different than everything that has come before. I hope I'm wrong, but if I'm not, at least I've come up with a reason for your lightning-fast change of heart that I can feel peaceful about.
I've realized that one of my favorite things about myself is my ability to trust. I get hurt, but it's only because I have all the faith in the world that people are good and that I'm worth being good to. If people mess up, that's ok. That's just shit that we all do. I will go through my life never having a single trust issue, only having wide open love for the people I deem worthy of it, and that is something to be proud of.
Music sounds bad lately. I don't know if I've ever had that problem before, and it's a strange one to have. The only thing I can listen to and enjoy seems to be The Doors, so they're still on heavy rotation. I wonder when I'll feel normal again.