accidental flares of love burst through the atmosphere

The something sweet, the language of looooove

On VERY heavy rotation lately. All of em! It may be a little eclectic for some (Rilo Kiley and Tom Waits on the same playlist yeahhhh yeah), but it makes a ton of sense in my head. I'm especially fond of the Kurt Vile tracks; it's like the two of us were joined at the brain and heart for one single moment in time, and when we separated we were left with the same idea of what great music should sound like. 

01. Marathon (Tennis)
02. Sea Of Love (Cat Power)
03. I've Been Let Down (Mazzy Star)
04. Silver Lining (Rilo Kiley)
05. Silver Soul (Beach House)
06. Ballad Of The Golden Hour (Widowspeak)
07. Shine A Light (The Rolling Stones)
08. My Best Friends (Kurt Vile)
09. Ends Of The Earth (Lord Huron)
10. Don't Worry Baby (The Beach Boys)
11. In My Dreams (Crosby, Stills & Nash)
12. Gun Street Girl (Tom Waits)
13. Left Behind (Grace Potter & The Nocturnals)
14. The Ghost On The Shore (Lord Huron)
15. Classic Rock In Spring/Freeway In Mind (Kurt Vile)

Listen and subscribe here. I'm really relieved that the latest big Spotify update allows everyone to select who they follow! There was some serious clutter that needed to be taken care of in that feed.

Last week I took this test as a joke (the name alone is enough to make me gag), but it has surprisingly explained a bunch of shit about me that I haven't been able to sort through on my own. I scored extremely high on Words Of Affirmation (11), and extremely low on Acts Of Service (1). The rankings are representative of the kind of love we need/are most comfortable giving. Do you have aaaaany idea how accurate that is?! This awful self-help quiz with the terrible name is fucking spot on, you guys, lol.

I don't like people doing things for me. I don't like it at all. I live for the phrase "If you want something done right, do it yourself." I'm particular and controlling about my life, but I've earned the right to be because I do everything on my own. Other people's efforts to help me just end up feeling intrusive and annoying even though I know they have good intentions. The only way to truly earn my trust and respect is by paying attention to what I say/how I do things and replicating it when I DO need to count on someone. There have only been 6 people that have ever been able to do that (Morales, I'm lookin at you!).

Basically my results can be summed up with this: Communicate with me efficiently and effectively...and then leave me be.

It's why I'm awful when people try to teach me things (don't want advice, don't want people watching me, would rather learn it on my own at my own pace), it's why I'm a bitch when people question things that I do, and most importantly, it's why I get so frustrated and upset when I don't feel that I'm being listened to or understood.

I always thought that it was weird that I pay more attention to people's words than their actions. I never understood "actions speak louder than words" because it is not true for me. If I have an idea to express, I don't act it out, I put it in words. I pay very little attention to the way that I act. It's probably why I've remembered practically ALL of the criticism I've ever been given, and have made careful note to not do those things again (as batshit crazy as that is) - because even if the person that said it wasn't being all that serious...they got my attention. The ONLY way I learn from a mistake is if someone says something that makes me feel embarrassed. Otherwise, it's lather, rinse, repeat.

A couple years ago I made a list of the men that I've loved in hopes of discovering what my "type" was, because it seemed like no one that I had ever loved had anything in common. The 3 big ones only had one similarity on my list: "He just had a way of saying things."

I can love someone for many reasons, but it seems as though the only thing that can make me stay is incredible communication.

I had all of the above thoughts in about a 2 minute span after taking that quiz, and thought to myself, "well.........alright." Haha. THAT explains why my relationship failed. THAT explains why the men I love are all entirely different. THAT explains why I will happily ignore someone's poor actions if they paint a nice picture with their words. The moooore yooouuu knoooooow!

And on a final, totally unrelated note, the mehndi on my hand from the wedding is making me look diseased. Fading/flaky henna is not a good look.

Self discovery, you guys...


EDIT - WAIT....I downloaded the Tamagotchi app for my iPhone on Wednesday and it made me think of how I had 3 of them when I was little; I had a kitty GigaPet, a Tamagotchi, and a Nano Baby. The GigaPet was the first one I got, but I COULD NOT keep it alive. So I just Googled...and found that the entire internet had this same problem in 1997. Some genius girl put a youtube video up and kept hers alive for like 100 days and explained how to keep it healthy, and it blew my mind. AND HER PROFILE PIC IS DANA SCULLY. Apparently there are like thousands of me on the internet. We all have the same interests.

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The wallpaper (sein und zeit), the theory, the Baseman

The Mariposa Grove of Giant Trees, the wedding, the Mondays