accidental flares of love burst through the atmosphere

To anyone who has ever thrived on RAGE

It appears I've lost about 75% of my readership from switching from Blogger to Wordpress due to outdated subscriptions, old URLs, etc etc. It's frustrating, but I'm still going to tell this story to the remaining 25%, because today is Friday and is therefore a great opportunity for storytime, and this week I've found myself throwing lightning at people in AT LEAST 4 different ragestorms. Last week Cindy texted me a quote that I loved so much that I googled it to find out where it came from. It came from this article, which practically made me jump for joy. The text said: "What inspires me? Why, unadulterated rage, that’s what. Next question?”

Yesterday Melissa Shofner sent me this article, which is so hilariously (and unfortunately) spot on when it comes to people's reactions to anyone who doesn't sport a permagrin.

They're both VERY good reads.

I'm usually pretty positive (unless I'm surrounded by people that make me miserable, in which case there is just no hope, sorry), and if I can't be positive, I'll at least be realistic. If I find myself in a lousy situation, Hannabrain will untangle it and find a reason to feel OK about it. I laugh all day, at everything. Life is fucking hilarious, you guys. There are so many reasons to smile. And if there weren't, I'd fucking make some, because no one else is gonna do that for me.

That all seems pretty positive to me. Guess how inspired it makes me feel? Not at all.


(image via Parlor Tattoo Prints. Quyen Dinh is AMAZING. Go browse through the rest of them in her shop, seriously.)

In addition to my shiny, happy personality (hahaaaaa), I also happen to have a fiery temper with a VERY short fuse. I am....rage-y. Nope, not rage-y. I AM THE RAGIEST.

I remember one particular track meet in high school where someone showed up that I couldn't stand. I was MAAAAD mad mad about it. I set a personal best that day.

An old employer told me that I needed to stop pouting at work (By pouting, he meant my Resting Bitchface Syndrome. Meaning I was sitting at my desk doing work and not paying attention to HOW MY FACE LOOKED while I was getting things done.) I got so mad that I went home and wrote something that to this day I've never showed anyone, but was essentially a 3-page stream of consciousness that I still go back and reference when I need inspiration today.

Wednesday night (AKA the day before he moved away from LA) BV chose to bid farewell via Facebook by saying, "Thanks for being a part of my LA experience!" OH REALLY? Gee, aren't I lucky. Thanks for talking to me like I was the barista at your local Starbucks. I was so fucking furious at how unimportant he made me feel that I walked away from my computer and threw myself into a drawing that might honestly be the best thing I've ever put on paper. It's not done yet, but when it is I'm really excited to post it.

If you are inspired by positivity, I am happy for you, and maybe even a bit envious. Embrace that. Use it to your advantage and create something amazing. American culture will celebrate you. BUT. If you are one of these people, you do not do not donot dnotdnotdnodntodotnondotndonttttttt have the right to assume that your way is the standard for all human inspiration.

My point is that I am so. fucking. sick. of hearing about how eternal optimism is The Way and how I HAVE to be positive because Positivity Yields Results and we need Positive Vibes and blahhh blah. There are a sea of articles about this and everyone talks about it, but very few explain it properly. They always claim that positivity is what's important, but what they actually mean is that I am expected to slap on a smile every day and tell the world about how I'm inspired by flowers and great days with special people, even when I'm fucking pissed. No. WHAT IS THE ACTUAL POINT of doing that? Honestly? Whyyyyyy should anyone ever stifle their own creativity just so they don't make people uncomfortable? Come onnn.

I beg you: do not give a single fuck about the people who say, "Why do you look so miserable? Are you mad? Why do you always look pissed off? What's wrong with you? Just look on the bright side." They don't understand, and that's OK. Even better: listen to every single infuriating thing that people say to you, and let yourself get SO MAD about it that you create something amazing. If that's what works for you, DO IT.

As long as you are not doing things to harm other people, as long as your intentions are pure, let yourself be inspired by whatever works for you. You will suddenly find yourself attracting people that truly understand you, and that is a beautiful thing.

I leave you with this post that has summed it up better than I ever could. And cheers to the people that get it.

You: Part 4

Children and Hallucinogens