I have loved 4 men in my life. They seem so clearly defined by music when I go through these playlists for each year. I started thinking about the changes I've seen in myself from these men and what they gave me, what they took away, how much I truly loved them, and then I thought maybe I should just write about it and try to organize it (you know me...I love a good organizational project). The goal isn't to call them out, which is why I'm going to be calling them 1, 2, 3, and 4 instead of their names. The goal is to attempt to paint a picture of the color and the emotion that 4 very different kinds of love brought into my life. Even if no one else is interested, I'm going to put up a post/playlist for each of them over the next few weeks. I made the playlists today, and I'm still thinking about how I want to write about them. It will be nice to have it all in one spot instead of spread out through written journals that I've kept over the past 7 years.
This morning I locked eyes with someone for a few seconds on my way to work. I didn't pay much attention at first, but I felt affected in some way. It was comfortable - the kind of comfort that I usually find with someone I'm very familiar with, but I'm absolutely certain that I've never met him before. I looked back at him a few times, and each time he met my gaze. We didn't speak. We got off at the same stop, strangely enough, and when I crossed the street he stayed behind, waiting for the light to change. I turned back one last time and he was still looking at me. He was wearing scrubs and a sweater and he was beautiful.
I would never claim to believe in love at first sight, but I've witnessed chemistry that can reach across rooms without a single spoken word. Chemistry doesn't need words.
I suppose my point is that I've spent the past couple months barely staying afloat in a sea of burnt out love. This morning was a sweet (albeit tiny) reminder that my heart is full and my eyes are open.