accidental flares of love burst through the atmosphere

You: Part 1

These are mixed up and not in chronological order, because sometimes that's just how ya gotta do things. If you don't know what's going on, read this. I'm sure this one is easy to guess, but I'm gonna call him 1 anyway. 1 was a fluke. I met him through a friend of a friend of a roommate at my own birthday party, held here in LA, where I wasn't living at the time. I didn't remember meeting him because I was (obviously) celebrating my birthday a liiiittle bit too hard. He found me on Facebook and we started chatted frequently while I was in NY that winter, and within a few weeks he had sent me a song that he said was "our song" (Two Drops In The Ocean by 311, which is the opposite of my taste in music, but still so cute that I never forgot it). I planned to fly out to LA to surprise my friends at a party he was going to attend.

Our first date was on Valentine's Day; we ate at Abbot's Habit in Venice and drew pictures in the sand on the beach. I moved back to LA shortly after, mostly for him, though I didn't tell him that. He told me he loved me that September, on a bench at his Aunt's house in Torrance that overlooked the entire city. I told my Mom that I had met the person I was going to marry. We ignored our incompatibilities; they didn't matter at the time. That changed, of course, but I'll never forget the easy happiness that I felt with him for such a long time. I was never really able to figure out what it was about him that made me love him. I juuuuust...loved him. For years.

What I gained: 1 took the maaaany many pieces that my self-esteem was in after number 4 (see, out of order) and carefully helped me put them back together. I gained so much from him and the love that we had. I gained a lot of knowledge about myself. He taught me how to let another person see my life, flaws and all, even though I usually failed miserably at letting that happen. He taught me how to examine the things that I did and figure out where they came from. I gained a best friend. I gained the ability to trust with 100% of my heart and never have to question anything. I gained the knowledge of how it felt to truly be loved. I gained the knowledge that I was deserving of love without judgment. He changed my life. Do you understand that, 1? You changed my entire life.

What I lost: I lost a relationship that I thought I would spend the rest of my life being in. I lost the silly assumption that being in love will always mean that two people are good for each other; 1 and I were not good for each other at all. I lost a romantic love, but I still have my friend.

1 is moving to another state soon. I'll miss him, but I'm happy he's doing what makes him happy. I hope he enjoys his new life.

The playlist - which, interestingly enough, is mostly made up of his music and not mine:


01. Best I Ever Had (Drake) 02. LA Woman (The Doors) 03. Love Like We Do (Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians) 04. And It Stoned Me (Van Morrison) 05. Say That You Love Me (Loudon Wainwright III) 06. Rise (Eddie Vedder) 07. Stealing Happy Hours (311) 08. Home (Smash Mouth) 09. Good Vibes (Rebelution) 10. Domino (Van Morrison) 11. Everyday Is A Winding Road (Sheryl Crow) 12. Crazy Love (Pepper) 13. Moondance (Van Morrison) 14. What I Am (Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians) 15. Juicy (Better Than Ezra) 16. Dirty D (Futurebirds) 17. Medicine (Grace Potter & The Nocturnals) 18. Whiskey And Wine (311) 19. Slow Cheetah (Red Hot Chili Peppers) 20. Casting of the Cares (Passafire) 21. You Blew Me Off (Bare Jr.) 22. Uncle Sam Goddamn (Brother Ali) 23. Riders On The Storm (The Doors)

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We spent the weekend in New York City

You: Introduction