accidental flares of love burst through the atmosphere

ALL women.

Because I know that if I give this post a "feminist" title, half of the men I know that read my blog won't read this one because they don't care and don't see a problem because it doesn't affect them negatively. Because in every relationship I've ever had with the exception of the current one, I have felt obligated to have sex even if I had no interest in it. If I lost physical interest, there wasn't something wrong with the relationship or the man. There was something wrong with me. Because my ex-boyfriend told me that I was "weird" for not wanting to have sex with him one night, and he was not kidding. Because that same ex-boyfriend, at the very end of the relationship when I was basically repulsed by everything he did and therefore couldn't even stomach sex with him, told me, "I really don't think you're gonna find a guy that's OK with you not wanting to have sex all the time." Because I used to have to give that same ex-boyfriend reasons (beyond "I don't want to") why I couldn't have sex because it's the only way he'd stop talking about it.

Because I have been followed to work - a 30 minute bus ride and a 10 minute walk - by a man that saw me on the street, waiting for the bus and got mad when I wouldn't answer his repeated attempts at conversation. Because a gross old man has actually walked up to me on the bus with an unzipped fly and had the nerve to stand so close to me that his dick was in my lap while he breathed on me and stared at me. Because a man I've worked with sees nothing wrong with comparing girls' nipple sizes to coins in casual conversation.

Because every single fucking woman I know has a story like this. Because every person I have ever discussed this with knows at least one woman who has been raped.

Because I have been seated at a bar with a friend, engaged in conversation, and have been interrupted repeatedly until I finally said I have a boyfriend. He only left me alone once he was assured that I "belonged" to another man. Me simply saying no was not enough. Because men will come up behind me in bars and grab onto me, and when I pull away or say "no" they either try again or demand to know why. Because I can't walk the 8 minutes from my friend's house to my home in the dark without carrying pepper spray and getting eyed like a steak from the group of men that stand outside the liquor store on a stretch of Santa Monica Blvd that's not even that bad.

Because a man has pulled over to watch me walk down the street and then done a lap around the block and come back just to block my path at the end of a street to ask me for my number. When I said I wasn't interested, he said, "Are you into girls or something?" Because the only way I am ever truly assured that I won't get sexually harassed on the street is if I'm walking with a man. Because if a white man commits a horrendous misogynistic crime, he is immediately labeled as mentally ill by the media. It cannot possibly be that he's just an entitled misogynist scumbag. Here's the sad truth about human beings: not everyone who kills someone is mentally ill. Sometimes they are just fucking assholes.

Because there are actually men that STILL cannot take #YesAllWomen seriously and are still leaving shitty comments on everything women are posting about their similar (or worse) experiences. Because there are people that are saying "lighten up" to this.

I don't know how many times this has to be said or how many people have to die/have their lives ruined before we'll finally take it seriously. No one is entitled to anyone else's body for any reason. Ever.

I also want to add that not all of these guys were jerks. Some of them are great people. But they're still oblivious to their entitlement and privilege, which unfortunately still makes them part of the problem. THIS is why getting defensive of #yesallwomen is the worst thing any man can do right now. You can love women with all your heart and still not think.

Trouble Child

To love is to bury