I'm more than stretched financially right now with this London trip, but instead of feeling frustrated that my newest freelance client had to pause production, I'm breathing a sigh of relief for the break. My hometown has one stoplight and 3,000 people, which is a blessing and a curse that everyone from a small town can understand. Everyone knows everyone else's business, but that means that when one family experiences a loss, we all feel it in our own ways, understand it in our own ways, and are here for support. It's hurting my heart that I can't be home to hug Amanda right now. Lindsay is someone that I will never ever forget; all through elementary and high school I noticed myself paying attention to her because she was just so radiant. You know the kind of person that walks into a room and immediately draws the attention of many, even if they'd prefer not to? She was (internally and externally) beautiful and smart and on more than one occasion I wondered if I could have gathered even a fraction of the strength she had if I were placed in her shoes. Cancer is so scary. My heart goes out to the Gena family. Mr. Gena was everyone's favorite teacher at Franklinville before he retired, and I think ALL of his past students wish they could ease his pain.
I was really wound up by the time I went to bed last night, and I wasn't expecting to fall asleep easily. It turns out I was so exhausted that I was gone within minutes, and woke up to my alarm 7 hours later, right out of a dream that felt like it filled the entire night. This is the second time I've dreamt that I've done acid. I don't know why my brain picks acid specifically. The first time I dreamt that I watched my brain melt into a blue puddle on the floor. Last night I dreamt that I sat in a room with my Dad and another man who I couldn't identify. I somehow knew that we had gone back in time, because I remember thinking that the acid would be good because it was the late 60s and I had gotten it from my dad, (who must know where to get the good stuff in my dreams). I sat on the floor in this room with my sketchbook in front of me, waiting for it to start fucking with my head, and eventually it did. I started seeing all sorts of indescribable shit, mostly just itunes-visualizer kinda stuff, but everything I saw seemed more vivid.
(image via Scarfolk Council, which is one of the coolest blogs I've ever stumbled upon)
It's funny to me for a lot of reasons, the main one being that I've never tried any drugs. I've just never wanted to. If we can produce these effects with the aid of some substance like LSD, it means our brains are capable of seeing more, feeling more, experiencing more than we regularly do. Mine can apparently produce a similar experience with nothing but sleep...so I guess I don't need a drug at all, huh? Acid is the only thing I've ever wanted to try, but my fear of being a flyer stops me. Well, that, and the fact that I assume that I'm not going to get the same kind of acid today that I would have found 50+ years ago. It's also funny to me because I was with my dad, who would probably be someone I'd want to be in the room with hahaha. Both of my parents (Hi momma! Don't you love when I mention you in my blog when it's about drugs? Hahaha). It's also also funny because even in my dreams, there is a sketchbook permanently attached to my hand.
I texted Momma Scott last week to tell her that I had just realized how awesome it is that my earliest memory is coloring on the floor when I was 2 - we were at the Justice of the Peace, and my parents were getting married. I was 2 years old and I remember their wedding day. I think I want to start researching the human brain. It's capable of so much more than we ever use it for, and it's all endlessly interesting to me. I wanna be brain-trained. I also recently read something about a woman that can see millions more colors than most other people because she has an extra type of cone in her eyes. Here's the article, if you haven't already seen it.
I'm going to take advantage of not having to freelance for one night and try to redesign a bunch of this blog or sketch or something. I'm trying to get everything ready to put up for sale soon. It's not a quick process. I may be a glutton for punishment with this stubborn everything-must-be-hand-drawn attitude, but it's what feels right, so onward I go. Tired hands in tow.
My heart feels full and wide open and very, very patient.