accidental flares of love burst through the atmosphere

the long secret

There's so much going on and I feel strange about all of it.

Mike moved yesterday, and I found myself sitting in my empty apartment feeling absolutely terrified and alone. I always wish I had more time and space to myself, and I always go around making it known how "independent" I am, but honestly this week has been a nightmare and I feel like I've lost some things that I hoped I'd never lose. It's sad, and I haven't really felt sad like this in a long time.

The girl that's going to take Mike's place in my apartment has a kitty as well. We introduced them yesterday afternoon and I had my first "disappointed Mom" moment. Meaning, her cat was so sweet and well behaved and mine was fucking spawn of Satan, hiding under the bed, growling and taking a slice out of anyone that tried to walk by her. I think both of us are a little bit uncertain of the future, lol.

Saturday afternoon/night was the messiest. Give me gin at 4pm, tequila at 6, a full bottle of wine at 8 and whiskey at 10 and I guarantee you will get to watch me make a fool out of myself. And I did. Because that's what I do.

So basically, yesterday consisted of me feeling lonely and hungover while I watched my cat hiss at strangers. ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET...?

Onto good things. Good things Hanna. I'm going to Franklinville on the 23rd! I wanted to fly home so badly, but flights were just too much money on top of everything else that I had to afford. My best friend helped me buy a flight. Sometimes it's necessary to surround yourself ONLY with people that love you so much that they'll do anything to see you happy. This is one of those times for me. Plus, springtime in NY makes me happier than anything else in the world.

I finally got a new laptop, so I won't be so absent from this little site :)


One last thing, because it's still making me giggle: my alarm woke me out of a very interesting dream in which every morning, I'd find a new creature in my bed. One morning there was a glowing caterpillar which, upon killing him, turned into an actual 2-inch long cat. The next morning there were two little dark blue piggies on a small plate. When I tried picking one up because I thought it was cute, it bit me very hard on the hand and the rest of the dream was devoted to internet research on pig bites. I might be sad, but I still love my brain.



Hey Verizon Customer Service!

Violet